A walk through the yellow pages

May it never be said that it takes much to entertain me.  That’s why when my brother or sister and I get together we can sit around a table and laugh hysterically while the rest of our families wonder how strange our childhood must have really been.

A few days ago Kelly and I headed off to northern Michigan for a few days of much needed R&R.  We didn’t have much planned – just a few days to hang out, relax, read some books, play some games, get some sleep, and visit the local coffee shop (Kelly’s idea).  It was a great plan – and it went quite well, but then I found myself paging through the local phone book of Manistee, Michigan – for what reason I have no idea other than that I was tired of playing games, reading books and relaxing.

As I was thumbing through the yellow pages, it happened.  I started laughing.  I was reading the headings at the top telling what the first and last businesses listed on each page were – and I hyphenated the two words, and well, I found myself amused.  But think about some of these business possibilities for a minute…

• concrete-consignment:  sure, you’re done with it, but don’t throw it away – someone might pay for your used concrete
• chiropractic-churches:  the ultimate holistic approach
• mold-motels:  I think I stayed in one of these once in Sandusky, Ohio
• pregnancy-publishers:  when you want everyone to know, they’ll get the word out
• kitchen-landfills:  otherwise known as left-overs
• drug-entertainers:  is this even legal?
• toilet-towing:  it makes sense, especially if you can’t drive it to the shop for repairs
• children-compressors:  are your kids getting too big? Or just too big for their britches?  These people can help!
• septic-sprinklers:  this is simply recycling gone way too far

I told you, it doesn’t take much.  And remember, the next time you get bored – just let your fingers do the walking.

The Slaying of the Annual Christmas Tree

The Wood family has an annual Christmas tradition – we pack ourselves up, drive out into the county to the Christmas tree farm, wander around for the longest time while stopping at too many trees and asking “How about this one?” until we (in desperation) select our annual victim, then cut it down and drag it home on the top of our van.  (I left out the part where the kids complain about how cold it is because it puts a damper on my memories.)

That’s what we do most years.  There was that one year when we just bought a tree at Home Depot.  I think it had been cut down some time in July and kept in storage, only to be brought out at Christmas and foisted on this unsuspecting person who believed the little sign that read “fresh trees.”  By the end of that Christmas season we were adding Rogaine to the water in hopes that the tree wouldn’t shed any more.  And then there was last year, too.  We were living with Grandma, and she has an artificial tree.  It even comes out of the box with the lights already on it.  Lame.

So this year it was time to resurrect our tradition and slay another tree.  We selected a farm somewhat near our house, and set off on our family adventure – only by the time we got there it was raining.  And the trees – though they were beautiful – were priced at about twice what I was used to paying.  There are some times when a man must take a stand and refuse to overpay – and this was one of those times.  So we aborted our attempt.

The next day we tried a different farm – about 30 miles in the opposite direction.  And we found trees for half the price – yes! – but that was basically because you only got about half a tree.  After marching around their fields and deciding that neither tree (selection was very limited) was going to work, we settled on buying one that was pre-cut.  Pre-cut?  Sheesh.  But it was $20 less than the previous day’s version.  (The good news was it was no longer raining.  The bad news?  It was now snowing and blowing and freezing.)

With our tree on the roof (alas, slain by another man’s saw) we headed home.  But the story wasn’t over – when we got home I discovered my usual tree stand was not going to work – unless I further decimated a tree that was already dangerously thin in some spots.  I considered my options.  I could build my own stand – or buy a new one.  I opted for the latter, finding one that could work – but only if I nailed it to the floor.  Seriously, it’s nailed to the floor.

My tree is up – and it looks good.  And it’s not falling over – not now, not ever.

• Buying a tree on the 2nd day – a savings of $20.

• Driving an extra 60 miles round trip the 2nd day to find a tree – a gas cost of about $9.

• Buying a new stand for the tree – another $9.

• Total saved by refusing to overpay on that first day- $2.

Keeping the tradition alive?  Priceless.

365 days

On August 28, 2009, we unloaded the U-Haul and moved into our temporary home in Brighton, Michigan.  One August 28, 2010, we loaded up the trucks and moved out of our home in Brighton, and into our new temporary apartment but permanent home in the Waterford/Clarkston area of Michigan.

That’s right, exactly 365 days later.  We spent exactly one year in Brighton.  So what was that year all about?  To be honest, I’m not entirely sure.  But following are a few thoughts on what I think it was about:

• It was about waiting.  Sometimes patiently, more often impatiently.  It was about wondering where God was and what He was up to.  It was about wrestling with our faith and just hoping that God was growing it – because it seemed so puny most of the time.
• It was about growing.  We faced new challenges, unfamiliar situations, overwhelming circumstances, but also new opportunities.  The kids had to adjust to new school settings – and learned to survive.  I took a job as a hospice chaplain – and learned how to minister to the dying.  Eight times I conducted funerals for my patients.  Twice they were just children.  I learned how to mourn with those who mourn.  I don’t think I’m the same person I was.  Hopefully, I care more.
• It was about getting tougher.  We jumped off a cliff in faith – and hoped for exhilaration.  But it felt more like a thud.  But we survived.  And we realized that we had experienced what we had feared – and we still made it through.  God didn’t seem to be concerned about making our lives easier; He seemed to be more determined to make our lives stronger.
• It was about bonding as a family.  We spent a lot of time together.  We didn’t have much choice.  The girls had to share a room again.  We didn’t have our old friends, so we became better friends as a family.  For that, I’m grateful.
• It was about building new relationships.  When we first moved to Brighton I met a pastor of a local church who prayed for us – and prayed that God would surround us with people to care for us.  And God answered that prayer.
• It was about contentment and gratitude – because in spite of all of the challenges of the year our lives were still incredibly blessed.  We were sufficiently housed and clothed and fed and then some.
• It was about providence.  Even though I struggled to see God’s hand, He still protected me.  I drove 40,000 miles in less that nine months with my job – many days driving into the worst neighborhoods of Detroit – without incident.  And less than two weeks after I left that job my car blew its engine.  In a very safe place.  At a very fortuitous time.
• It was about hope.  We always believed God wanted us in ministry – even when it seemed like it would never happen.  But I hope that God was just getting us ready – in accord with His wisdom (because it didn’t make much sense to me).

365 days.  Days that I may never understand – but days that God ordained for me.

Now we are in the early stages of a new adventure.  Waterford/Clarkston is our new home.  Waterford Community Church is our new ministry.  And the people of the church are our new family.  It took us a year to get here – but we’re glad to finally be home.

Anonymous

Before I started out the door for vacation last summer, I quickly looked around for some reading material.  If I was going to be spending long hours on the beach (getting ridiculously sunburned), I was going to need something to occupy myself.  And since I had failed to take a trip to the library the day before, I was pretty much at the mercy of what happened to be lying around the house.  The book that I grabbed was one that a friend of my wife’s had given her, but I was desperate – and fortunate.

The book was called Anonymous, and the gist of the book centered on the idea that while Jesus spent 33 years or so on this planet, about thirty of those years happened behind the scenes where no one was watching.  The author, Alicia Britt Chole, called these the hidden years, and speculated on how those years impacted Jesus.  While I don’t know that I agreed with all of the theology presented, I was captured by the idea that hidden years are often exactly what God has in mind for us.  In our world we measure significance by achievement, but God measures it in an entirely different way.  When we face the times in life when we feel forgotten, abandoned, stuck or discarded, God will step up to make those days worthwhile.

At first I didn’t underline some of the good things the author said – after all this was my wife’s friend’s book.  But then I just went ahead because there were too many significant points to let them pass (my apologies, Sharyl).  I’ll share one of them here, but then I would recommend that you get the book – especially if you feel like you have been asked to step behind the curtain in life.

“What does [being hidden like Jesus] build in us?  What grows in that underestimated gap between God’s calling and others’ perceptions, between our true capabilities and our current realities?  Most of us struggle if our dreams are delayed one year, let alone twenty.  We find God’s pauses perplexing.  They seem to be a waste of our potential.  When those pauses extend beyond what we can comprehend or explain (say, for instance, three days), we often spiral into self-doubt or second-guessing.

“But in anonymous seasons we must hold tightly to the truth that no doubt strengthened Jesus through his hidden years: Father God is neither care-less nor cause-less with how he spends our lives.  When he calls a soul simultaneously to greatness and obscurity, the fruit – if we wait for it – can change the world.”

I could have picked several other quotes that were just as good or better – but this one still provides some great food for thought.  You are not forgotten by God.  You have not been sent off to the corner to wait.  You have been chosen by him to be hidden and anonymous so that he can do something big in you!

Swim your own race

For some reason this week an old story came back to mind – and I think it is worth telling.

Many years ago the Special Olympics came to South Bend and I decided to be a spectator.  I headed over to the Notre Dame campus and took a seat in Rolf’s to watch some of the swimming events.  And I watched one that I will never forget.  Eight participants took their places on the edge of the pool awaiting the starter’s gun.  In an instant they were all in the pool – swimming their four-lap race.  And it was a close race – at least for seven of the participants.

But there was one young man who was not keeping up, falling way off the pace.  At first the attention of the spectators was on the other seven – and everyone cheered when the race came to an end.  But then everyone realized that there was one more swimmer in the pool – and everyone started to rally behind him.

“Go!  Go!  Go!”  The crowd came to their feet – me among them – to cheer on the lone swimmer who was more than a full pool length behind.  But he kept swimming and the crowd kept screaming until finally he touched and finished the race.  He climbed out of the pool to be greeted by the raucous cheer of the crowd, then he stood on the deck of the pool and pumped his arms in triumph.  It  didn’t matter that he had finished long behind the other competitors.  It didn’t matter that he took home last place.  What mattered was that he had finished his race.

I learned a good lesson that day, though I forget it all too often.  I forget that life isn’t a competition between me and anyone else.  It’s not about me comparing myself to someone else to make sure that I’m good enough.  Nope, the challenge of life is to measure myself against my potential – and to make sure that I’m measuring up to the plan that God has in mind for me.

The challenge of life – is to swim my own race.  Even if everyone else seems to be outdistancing me.  Even if the attention of the crowd is focused elsewhere.  Even if my efforts don’t seem to be worthwhile.  Even if I’m not making the progress that I’d like to be making.  I just need to keep swimming, swimming my own race.

And that’s what I would say to you.  Swim your own race!

We need a vacation

Family vacation is a big deal to me.  Some of my greatest memories as a kid involved vacations – and I’ve tried to make sure that my kids can say the same.  We’re heading off this afternoon for our “official 2010 Wood family vacation” and heading for the shores of Lake Michigan.  And we’re ready – because we need a vacation!

But I got to thinking back to a  few of the best vacations that we’ve taken as a family…

• Anna Maria Island, Florida – We had a condo right on the beach – awesome.  I fell asleep each night listening to the waves lapping on the shore.  We also went to Disney World that year.  But we did have one mishap – Allie lost her teddy bear on the trip.  We replaced him, but it wasn’t the same.  (See Toy Story 3 to find out how Teddy felt.)
• Cambridge, Maryland – Highlights included a quick trip into Washington, DC and just hanging out on the Chesapeake Bay – and eating blue crabs.  Actually it was Kelly who ate the blue crabs.   My favorite memory was flying a kite with Allie.
• Washington State – We really enjoyed both sunny days – and also trips to Mt. Rainier and Mt. Saint Helens.  Luke talked us into seeing the latter and I’m glad he did.  We visited over 25 years after the eruption, and the desolation was still overwhelming.  A memory I would like to forget was my running through Midway airport in my socks because I knew that if I took time to put my shoes back on we were going to miss our flight.  (We made it, by about 30 seconds!)
• Washington, DC – My niece and her husband let us use their apartment in Georgetown for the week.  What a blast – we tried to do it all – the memorials and monuments, the Capitol building, Arlington, Mt. Vernon, the Smithsonian – and my personal favorite – Lincoln’s summer home.  (Note to would-be Washington travelers:  Do not visit Washington during spring break week, especially when it coordinates with the cherry blossom festival!)
• Colorado – I think this was our favorite vacation to date, though it had a few rough spots.  On the first day Lindsay ended up in the ER with her big toenail having been ripped off.  Then we all got the stomach flu – not at the same time but in succession.  Still we managed to go on an incredible horse back ride with just the five of us and a guide (actually, it was the four of them and the guide – my horse was content to follow several hundred feet behind), do some river rafting, visit Focus on the Family, drive from Aspen to Colorado Springs on the world’s most frightening road ever (I think it was a scenic ride – I was too scared to look), see the Maroon Bells, and make the climb to Hanging Lake.

So I love vacation – visiting new places, doing stuff as a family, taking some time to regroup and refresh, taking some pictures, eating too much fast food, finding the best ice cream place in town, stopping in at some glitzy souvenir stand, and making a thousand new memories.  Lake Michigan, here we come!

Customer Service

Recently our hospice team watched a webinar on the subject of customer service.  The guy teaching it ( Bryan Williams) was in charge of the guest relations department for the Ritz-Carlton hotel chain for years before going into business as an independent consultant.  His material was really good, so I started writing notes –  not so much because I thought it would be helpful in the hospice world, but because I thought it might be helpful in the church ministry world.

From my (random) notes:

• The golden rule says treat others the way you want to be treated.
• The platinum rule says treat others the way they want to be treated.
• The double platinum rule says treat others the way they don’t even know they want to be treated.
• Remember the 10’/4′ rule.  Anyone with in 10′ of you should always be acknowledged.  Anyone within 4′ of you should be engaged.
• Recognize the difference between function and purpose.  Function is what you do; purpose is why you do it.  Make sure your team knows the purpose.
• There are four basic steps of service: 1] a warm welcome using the person’s name,  2]  complying with wishes / anticipating needs, 3]  offering additional assistance, and 4] a gracious farewell.
• Whatever you focus on improves.
• Invest where the improvement comes the easiest.
• Always give your team appreciation.  Without it they quit and leave.  Worse yet, sometimes they quit and stay.
• Always get the input of your team.
• Take advantage of every touch point.  Make deposits and not withdrawals.

Here’s to Hamburg United

As the World Cup kicks into full gear, I thought it would be appropriate to commemorate my favorite soccer team – Hamburg United Red.

Last fall when we uprooted our kids from the place where they grew up in pursuit of God’s call on our lives, we looked for some ways to make life easier since we knew they were going to face some new challenges.  Before we even moved to Brighton/Hamburg last fall we tried to find an opportunity for Lindsay to play soccer.  She had only played in rec leagues before, so she wanted to try a travel league.  We made a call to the Hamburg league – could they add a player?  The answer was yes, provided the child was a girl and a U14 player.  Lindsay was both.

So began Lindsay’s travel league experience.  She received an official uniform – one that didn’t have a sponsors name plastered in huge letters across the front.  It was a nice red and white Adidas jersey along with some huge shorts.  She even got to pick her own number (who but Lindsay would pick a number like 43 for soccer?).   She was ready to play for Hamburg United.

Hamburg United was not a strong  team.  In the fall season they tied one game.  In the winter season they managed to win two games. This past spring they didn’t win any.  (It didn’t help that their goalie totaled her ACL in the first practice of the spring.)  But it didn’t really matter because it was Lindsay’s best year of soccer ever.  She had a great coach who made things fun – and she had some great teammates who played hard every game and never quit.  Better yet, they remained a team.  They never rode each other, never got upset with each other when mistakes were made, and never felt sorry for themselves.  They went out every game and competed.

Last night was their end-of-the-year pool party.  It was their last time to all be together.  Hamburg United is breaking up.  Some are moving up to U15.  Others will be playing in other leagues.  I think the girls were all sad.  It has been an incredible year for those girls, and for Lindsay especially.

She made 15 friends.  She got to play soccer for the right reason – for the love of the game.  She discovered that she didn’t have to win to have fun.  She got to play a ton of soccer.  She improved her game.  And she’s become a big buddy with a teammate who lives just a few houses away.

I think this is the point of youth sports – to learn teamwork, to improve your skills, to compete, to create memories that will last a life time, to make friends, and to have fun!

Yep, Lindsay is sad – sad that her very imperfect season is over.  But I’m not sure how imperfect her season really was.  I think it was pretty much the opposite.

Here’s to Hamburg United!

3 Days

Since the last time I had a 3-day weekend was in the middle of February, and since the final day of that weekend was spent driving the 8 hours from Oshkosh, Wisconsin to Brighton, Michigan I was determined to get the most out of last weekend.  And I’m feeling pretty good about how it went.

Saturday morning Kelly and I headed to downtown Brighton to the farmer’s market.  Evidently there aren’t very many farmers in Brighton as there were only two vegetable stands – but there were several flower stands, jewelry stands, and tacky craft stands. We opted for the Harvest bread store, instead.  Kelly ordered an iced coffee and a piece of bread; I ordered a chocolate chip cookie (a really great mid-morning snack).  The girl handed me the coffee and started to walk away.  I had to remind her that I still needed to pay and that Kelly had also asked for a piece of bread.  Deciding to be content with her getting the piece of bread for Kelly, I just let the cookie idea pass.  Sigh.

After milling around town for the next hour or so we headed to the English Gardens nursery where we bought a rose bush for the back yard.  Back at home Kelly planted the bush and worked to create a new flower bed while I ripped out bushes and mowed the lawn and got into a water fight with the kids who were supposedly washing the car.

Saturday night we ate out on the deck and received a text message from Grandma who was taunting us by showing us a picture of the swimming pool that she was enjoying – and that we were missing.  Not very nice.  Returning evil for evil we texted her a picture of our awesome meal – then we headed to Putterz in Ypsilanti where yours truly won, followed by Allie, Lindsay, Luke and one other member of the family that I won’t mention because I don’t want to embarrass her.  And we texted Grandma a picture of that, too.  Then we headed to the Washtenaw Dairy

for some ice cream – except for Luke who doesn’t like ice cream but who was quite excited to find that the store sold white cheddar popcorn and lemonade.  Yep, we texted another picture to Grandma to show her what she was missing.  Then on the way home we saw a sign for “Aaron’s party” so we all got out and took a picture of that, too, to remind Grandma how much fun we were having without her.  (Don’t tell her that we really didn’t crash the party – we just took the picture.)

Sunday morning was church.  Sunday afternoon all the girls went shopping while I took a nap.  And the dog only woke me up twice.  Then after dinner Kelly and I headed for Kensington Metro Park and walked about 5 miles along Kent Lake.  It was beautiful.

Monday morning we hopped in the van and drove to Grand Rapids (the place of my birth – you probably didn’t need to know that but the trip left me feeling somewhat sentimental) to meet the grandparents (the ones who don’t send mean text pictures)  at a Jonny B’z Dogs and More, a brand new restaurant venture recently undertaken by two people who always inspire me with their faith, and that I am kind of related to – Jon and Ginger Goad.  I ordered a BBQ brisket sandwich which was phenomenal and Kelly ordered what she called the best hot dog she’s ever eaten.  So the next time you are in southeast Grand Rapids…

Later, Kelly and I headed for Borders where I spent a long time trying to figure out what book to buy with my 40% off coupon and my 2-year-old gift card which still had $2.86 left on it.  Then we capped off the weekend playing Rook and Dutch Blitz with the kids.  I can’t tell you who won because we didn’t keep score – and yes, I think that’s kind of lame, too.

And that was the best three days I’ve had in a long time.

Mourning with those who mourn

“Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.”  Romans 12:15

Tomorrow I will be conducting another funeral.  That seems to come with the territory when you are a hospice chaplain.  And no doubt there will be tears shed at the service.  There should be.  God created us with emotions and the ability to grieve.  I believe that is one of His gifts to us.

But have you ever stood beside someone who was grieving and didn’t quite know what to say our do?  These are just a few suggestions that I would pass on from my experiences in the past few months.

1.  You don’t need to say anything; you just need to be there.

2.  Don’t tell them that time will heal and that they will feel better down the road.  While that is probably true, a person who is grieving really isn’t concerned about 6 months from now.  He’s just trying to make it through today.  This is not the time to find the proverbial silver lining.  This is the time to agree with them that sometimes life stinks.

3.  Encourage them to talk.  Most people need to express themselves – and no, they really aren’t complaining.  They’re just trying to verbally work through the angst that they are feeling.  And they may say the same things day after day.  Just listen.  And then listen again.

4.  Check back with them in a month.  At first family and friends surround people with lots of support, but then they return to their routine and forget about the person who is still grieving.  Refuse to lose track of them.  (In hospice we follow up with families for another 13 months.)

5.  Give the person time.  Grieving is not a quick process for most.  It’s a lot of “3 steps forward; 2 steps back” type of progress.  And when you are working with a grieving person you might want to let them know that relapses are normal and not to get frustrated.

6.  Be a part of their “new normal.”  Their lives will never, ever be the same again.  They might be better; maybe not.  They will certainly be different.  I call it their “new normal.”  At first they may not let you be a part, but patiently hang in there.  They may need you.

7.  Realize that grieving is the result of a loss.  In hospice that loss is generally a death, but people can grieve other things as well – the loss of a relationship, the loss of a job, the loss of an opportunity, the loss of a dream, the loss of an ability.  People who experience extreme loss of any type will likely grieve.  Don’t let them grieve alone.

8.  Pray for them – and tell them that you are.  But don’t say it unless you really are.  The words “I have been praying for you” mean more than most people realize.

9.  If a person has lost a loved one, encourage them to talk about that loved one.  Maybe they have pictures they can show you.  Maybe they have some favorite memories that they can relate.  Help them keep the memories alive.  Maybe you have a memory yourself that you can share.

10.  Don’t worry if you don’t get it all right.  Just communicate that you care.  And then communicate it again.