The absolutely correct technique for squeezing the toothpaste tube

The absolutely incorrect way to squeeze toothpaste

The absolutely INCORRECT FAULTY WRONG way to squeeze toothpaste

There is a right way to squeeze out toothpaste.  And that is how I squeeze mine.  I start at the bottom of the tube and work upward – then after I have put some paste on my toothbrush I give a little squeeze at the top of the tube that sucks the toothpaste back into the neck  – thus leaving no mess.  It’s simple.  It’s effective.  It’s the right way to live.

There is a wrong way to squeeze the toothpaste.  And that is how my children squeeze theirs.  They grab the tube and with no thought of consequence just squeeze anywhere.  It’s awful.  It’s wrong.  But I am not here to condemn them – no, their squeezing habits seem to be genetic, passed on to them by their mother.  And the whole family has accepted the fallacy that as long as toothpaste comes out, it doesn’t matter where you squeeze.

For years I have lived with this burden – but since I’ve always had my own bathroom, I ‘ve been able to separate myself and to live the right kind of toothpaste life.  But not any more.  Now, I’m sharing a bathroom, and now I’m having to live with icky, gooey tubes of toothpaste.  And I’m trying to be happy about it.

The truth is that it doesn’t really matter how you squeeze the tube if you want toothpaste, just apply some pressure and out it comes.    A little squeeze can produce a lot of paste.  Any kind of squeeze.   I hate to admit it, but it’s true.

But without the pressure nothing comes out.  And all of that good cavity-fighting protection stays stuck inside the tube.   Kind of like our lives.  God put all kinds of potential in us, but that’s where it stays – until He starts squeezing.

I don’t like to be squeezed.  I don’t like pressure or stress or adversity.  But I have to wonder if God is merely trying to squeeze more out of me.   If He is, then that is good news.  And whatever technique He chooses – I’m sure that it is absolutely the correct technique.


4 Responses

  1. maybe you should invest in the “touch ‘n brush ” toothpaste dispenser!

  2. You forgot to explain that toothpaste is very dry, and rinsing your brush BEFORE applying the toothpaste will make the whole dental hygiene habit so much more enjoyable!

    John started buying toothpaste in a a bottle so that the kids would quit squeezing his all over. Small investment for great peace of mind!

  3. As an alleged incorrect tube squeezer, I would just like to publicly state that the toothpaste is always neat once I’m done, unlike a certain young male squeeze enthusiast. No, I do not employ specific technique, but the tube us clean. Usually.
    Hmm….maybe I should have pleaded the fifth.

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